New player safety tips

Posted by Rope Squirrel | Posted in Advice, Rope Squirrel | Posted on 07-07-2013

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So you are brand new to the scene (and good for you!) or you are just curious. Like any other thing in life, we have our dangers. One thing unique about our lifestyle though is the bondage element. So extra care must be taken. This is not a post to scare you off but rather one to educate on things you can do to be more safe.

  1. Treat a first meeting of a Dom/sub with the same care you’d use on a first date. Meet in a public place. Don’t commit to play (vanilla world sex) on the first “date”. Get to know the person. If they insist on playing quickly and you are not comfortable with it, say so. If you two MUST play, do so at a club where there are other people around
  2. Have a safety call. For the first few dates, let someone know where you will be and a check in time. say you are meeting at 6pm at… I dunno.. Olive Garden. Your friend could call at 10:30pm to check in on you. Alternatively, you could have the friend call at 8:30pm with an “emergency” if you need an escape plan. Whatever you decide, make sure the friend knows where you will be. If you head over to his/her place, since you both came in separate cars, text your friend with the information of where that is. Keep your safety person in the loop. At least for the first few dates.
  3. Before playing talk about what CAN be done, not just what CAN’T be done. Kinksters are a creative bunch. For example, if you tell me that I can’t hit you with a whip or flogger, I will find something else to hit with that wasn’t covered (perhaps a bushel of roses). I probably won’t be ever invited to play again with you, but we love to find loopholes. Make sure that as a sub (or a dom) that you sit down and lay out what isn’t allowed to occur, and (at least at first) what is permitted. Too many skip this second step and while it might not lead to abuse, it can lead to hurt feelings that could have been avoided. Get to know each other a bit before getting “creative” with the negotiation.

In the end, it’s all about communication and safety. These two things are your friends when meeting new people.

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